Nipple Gate: A belly dance scandal

مرحبا بالجميع
That’s “hello everyone” in Arabic!

So I literally just got back from my belly dance performance and let me tell you, it went………………………………HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!! The worst you could possibly imagine!!!!!!

No. I’m not being melodramatic. Let me explain.

So I just got a new beige strapless bra from Victoria’s Secret that works wonders and stays in place, but tonight I was wearing a black tube top so I decided to wear an old, crappy black strapless bra from when I hit puberty. Sorry, but I’m one of those girls that likes to match their undergarments to their clothes.

So the performance sabotaging, black strapless devil bra from middle school ruined my routine! It slid its way down almost to my belly button literally about to peak out of my midriff showing, little tube top! I actually could not tell if it was just the sensation of a new material on my chest or if my nipple was literally hanging out of my shirt. The thought actually crossed my mind, “I’m dancing and smiling and my nipple is out for the whole world to see.”

I consider myself a seasoned dancer. I’ve been dancing since I could walk. I’ve performed basically all my life. I tried to dance through the fear of having a room full of family and friends of the dancers’ and band, but I couldn’t let the idea that my boob either was going to pop out or it was already being exposed leave my mind. I tried to pull my top up on the sly but had no luck, my twins were itching to have their 5 minutes of fame.

Whenever I’m performing only a few thoughts cross my head. Shoulders back, smile, don’t look down, shimmy shimmy shimmy, and most importantly “I’m loving this! Please don’t end!” And usually my first thought after a performance is “I want to do it again!” On this beautiful night of December I was mentally screaming…no screeching “PLEASE BE OVER! PLEASE BE OVER!”

So the dance finally was coming to an end and yes….it does get worse. You see with a live band it’s a bit unpredictable. You never know if the 8 counts will get faster or even if they’ll remove a whole 8 count in its entirety. On this occasion we started one of the 8 counts a little late and threw off the entire end of the dance. I looked around and literally everyone was doing something different if not just standing there looking like a lost puppy. Finally I took my bow and my shimmy walk off stage has never been faster.

I’ll let you guys in on a little secret! I’m supposed to come back at the end of the show to take a final bow but you know what I have to say to that? F*CK THAT! Take a bow for the shitty and embarrassing performance I just did to a crowd of strangers? No thank you. I think I’ll sit here in my room, bitch about it to the world wide web, and then eat a microwavable chimichanga.

And with that I bid you adieu. Goodnight everyone. Enjoy the photos from Pre-nipple-gate. Sorry this post has absolutely nothing to do with Chile or even travel.

-Brittany
PS adding insult to injury a dear friend from High School commented in a picture I have on Facebook from the performance saying “I never thought you had that personality that shouts Belly Dancer.” Ummmmmm. Sexy? You never thought I could be sexy? M’kay thanks a-hole. At least he did say that he was seeing it now. But hey man, in my book I never became sexy and I’ve never brought it back. I’ve always been sexy!




Boo!!! Enough makeup and false eyelashes for you?

Happy blogging!